Grieving During the Holidays

*Let me just start out by saying this isn't a post I ever wanted to write.  But after several conversations I've had recently, I realized it was a topic that affects so many of us.  And one that has laid heavy on my heart.

This may be the first Christmas you spend without a loved one.  Or it may be the fifteenth.  It might be someone far away.  Or a loved one as close as next door.  Whatever the case may be, it was be different.  Your heart may be heavy, ... broken, ... calloused.  Or perhaps it's resting in a more peaceful place than it was last year.  No matter the case, it will be holiday season that's changed through your grief, past or present.

Last August, my husband and I were away for the weekend.  A rare treat with little ones.  My mom was watching the kids for the weekend and we were celebrating 10 years of marriage.  It was a refreshing weekend to get away, but on our last morning, we received a phone call that my cousin had passed away.  Young, carefree, and troubled,... and in a moment he was gone.

We all began dealing with the grief in our own way.  Some more troubled than others.  But less than two months later, we received a second phone call.  My uncle, and closest neighbor growing up, was in the hospital after having a stroke.  His situation was pretty sensitive as he was also a lifelong diabetic.  They airlifted him to the hospital in our town, three hours from home, and my husband and I were some of the first ones to see him.  For a month, we had family living with us while we made our daily trips to the hospital.  Unfortunately, he passed away in early November 2011.  And the year wore on.

Weeks before Christmas, my husband and I had just returned from a memorial service for my uncle when we received yet another phone call.  His grandfather had just received the news that he only had months to live.  We sat down and reworked our plans that afternoon to spend New Years with his family.  Within 24 hours, his grandfather passed and again, we grieved.  And found ourselves at the second funeral/memorial in two weeks.

Our holidays certainly felt empty.

I say this not for your sympathy, but for those of you walking through it.  To say, I've been there.  It hurts.  No amount of memories can replace the feeling of your loved one's embrace.  I'm not writing this as one looking in.  But as one in the midst of swirling emotions, still fresh after a year.  And as we continue to grieve (and perhaps may never stop), I want to offer a small amount of encouragement that you can keep putting one foot in front of the other.  You can make it through today... and tomorrow... and even Christmas.

-Say a prayer- There were days last holiday season that I couldn't get out of bed without first praying.  Things as simple as fixing breakfast for my kids felt absolutely meaningless in the midst of my grief.  Each day I had to acknowledge my pain and ask the Lord to lift me up through the day.  Without that prayer, I would have wasted into nothing.

-Don't be afraid to mention their name-  Sometimes we don't want to say their name out loud on the chance of upsetting someone.  This was particularly the case with my Grandma.  And we all have to know when to be sensitive to that.  But so often I would find myself wanting to remember my cousins' laughter.  Or my uncles' own brand of teasing.  Or falling asleep while watching the Walton's Christmas special.  Those are memories that my family shared as well.  And just saying them, although mixed with tears, brought us all some relief.  As though it were ok to remember the good times and still miss them.

-Create a physical reminder of them- For some it may an ornament.  For others it may be a special angel for the mantel.  Still others may which to create a collage for the hall.  Whatever it is, don't be afraid to remember.

-Do something they would have loved- The years we spend Thanksgiving with my mom, we go out the day after and cut down Christmas trees.  That always reminds me of my uncle.  He loved it, even getting trees for family who couldn't join us that day.  Is there a favorite tradition that you enjoyed together?  Or a dish you always baked for your loved one?  Embrace it and try to remember how much they embraced it as well.

-Create a new memory- Likewise, don't be afraid to veer from tradition simply because your loved one isn't there to enjoy it.  Sometimes creating new traditions can remind us that we're still here.  We still have new things to experience and enjoy.  And that's ok too.

-Visit the grave site- In my every day life, I love flowers, but feel they're so frivolous.  But when visiting a loved one's grave site, I love to take flowers.  It's just a small token of love.  Take some flowers, a poinsetta, or a wreath.  And give yourself time to grieve, talk, pray, or sing.

-Give yourself permission to grieve- Sometimes, this is the hardest one of all.  Society tells us to cry, wipe the tears, and move on.  But grief has a funny way of sneaking up on you if you don't give yourself time to deal with it in your own way and on your own timeline.  This can be especially hard on us moms and dads with children at home.  I know I felt the pressure last year to carry on with Christmas as usual "for the sake of my kids."  But it's important for us to grieve.  And to be ok with our grief.  As hard as that may sound, it's also important for our children to see us process through grief as they learn from our example.

If you're grieving this holiday season, please know that you're not alone.  You have my deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers.  I would love to pray for you.  Feel free to leave me a comment sharing how I can pray for you.  Or if you're not comfortable with a public forum, you can reach me through the contact info on the top of the page.

May the Lord grant you peace beyond your own understanding as He comforts and guides you through this season!

Soft Molasses Cookies

I shared this recipe last December (2011) at Pocket Full of Pink.  But I really wanted to have it here, for all of you to reference whenever you want.  Enjoy!

I've been married for over 10 years.  Wow!  That makes me feel old.  Ten years of being married to an awesome man who puts up with, and actually encourages, my craziness.  We have two wonderful little children.  Noah just turned six years old in Oct, and Lydia will be four on Dec 21st.  These two little ones keep my busy, but I find myself growing so much more with them in my life.  The days are long, but the years fly by.

And of course, my fur baby, Annie:

And although I'm an only child, I come from a big involved family which got me thinking about How to Build Strong Extended Family Relationships.  This has really been a tough year and I don't know where I'd be without them.

Some of my other favorite features on the site have been:

52 First Dates--an exercise in strengthening your marriage

Rhythms of Grace--women sharing their real life stories of triumph

Stewarding your Story--Why and how to tell your testimony

and all the fun craft, food, and party ideas coming along each day.

But enough about me.  Let's talk COOKIES!

These soft molasses cookies are very dear to my heart.  Growing up, my grandma was known for her handiwork in the kitchen.  Being in Grandma's kitchen was like finding that warm place in your heart to call home.  Soft, gentle, and smelling of vanilla, my grandma always had a big hug for you and a rolling pin to keep your hands busy.  Every Christmas she'd whip up a hot batch of these molasses cookies and my mouth would water, waiting for them to come out of the oven.

As my kids grow now, I make these cookies once a year, .... every Christmas, .... just like Grandma.  And every Christmas I find myself back in the memory of my Grandma's kitchen waiting for a warm cookie and a soft hug.

Soft Molasses Cookies

You'll need:

1/2 c butter, softened

1/2 c shortening

1 1/2 c sugar

1/2 c molasses

2 eggs

4 c flour

1/2 tsp salt

2 1/4 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp cloves

2 1/4 tsp ginger

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

*Cream together butter, shortening and sugar until fluffy.

*Beat in molasses and eggs, set mixture aside.

*In another large bowl, combine flour, salt, baking soda, ginger, cloves, and cinnamon.  Blend thoroughly with wire whisk.

*Gradually add flour mixture into creamed mixture until blended and smooth.

*Form 1 in balls: dip tops into sugar.  Place 2 in apart on greased cookie sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for 10 min.  Do not over bake.

*Allow to cool slightly on cookie sheet then transfer to a wire rack.

I hope you enjoy these as much as we do.  And have a wonderful Christmas!

Come to the Table {Review}

Come to the Table, by Neta Jackson, picks up where Stand by Me left off.  When I read that book in the spring, I knew it was set up perfectly for a second novel and have been anxiously awaiting an opportunity to review it.  Come to the Table opens with our three university students (Bree, Nick, and Kat) and their newest roommate (Rochelle) navigating what it means to live in a multi-racial community.  We see Kat, who's own overzealous passion for eating healthy, overshadows the humanity of those she's trying to serve.  And then there's Nick, the only guy surrounded by estrogen and encountering his first pastoral assignment.

Challenged to examine her motives, Kat becomes frustrated by the church leaders.  But instead of charging forward on her own, she takes their advice and looks into a local food pantry.  When her zeal isn't tempered, but rather redirected, the entire church finds itself launched into a mission from the Lord.  Meanwhile, we have Nick who finds himself in a wild, adventurous position.  Stepping into SouledOut Community Church, Nick is quickly thrust into an interm pastor position, and all the responsibility that entails.  To complicate matters further, he also becomes entangled with not one, but two roommates who hold a romantic interest in him.  How's he going to get out of this one?

Besides our main characters, Jackson develops multiple minor characters that are fun to watch and grow throughout the book.  Kat's relationship with Avis Douglas softens and continues on its motherly journey.  Edesa emerges as a more central character as we see her struggling through her own commitment to whatever the Lord has for her.  And Rochelle becomes a more well-rounded character as we learn more about what drove her to the streets and her struggle to get back on her feet.

All in all, this Come to the Table was a fantastic book.  It held my interest from cover to cover and continued to challenge me as well.  How often can you say that about a work of fiction?  This book could be read alone.  However, if you get a chance, pick up the first book as well.  You won't be disappointed.

*Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book for review.  All opinions are my own.

Ultimate Stocking Stuffer Idea List

Stockings have always been a fun part of the Christmas tradition for us.  Growing up, we opened gifts on Christmas Eve and then before all the cousins showed up on Christmas morning, we got one last little thrill of opening our stockings.  Just little stuff, but often unusual little things we never thought of.

As the years have gone on, every tries to put a little something in each other's stockings.  Mom buys for kids, kids shop with Dad and Mom for each other, Grandma gets a few surprises from Mom, etc.  Problem is, I often find myself running short for ideas the week before Christmas.

So in case you're like me and trying to come up with some new ideas this year, I put together this Ultimate Stocking Stuffer Idea List.  Hope it gives you some new thoughts and a spring board for your own creativity as well.

Baby (Newborn to 18 months):

Puppet bath mitt

Baby toothbrush

Small Stuffed Animals

Teethers

Snack food

Soft blocks

Socks

Booties

Hat

Mittens

Bib

Pacifier

Night Light

Book

Bath toys

Movies

Safety accessories (outlet plugs, etc)

Stacking cups

Sippy cups

Sample toiletries (wipes, body wash, etc)

Stroller toys

Carseat toys

Washclothes

Rattle

Wrist rattle

Plastic plate, spoon, fork, cup

Lullaby CD

Snack cup

Bubbles

Toddlers (1-3 years):

Character cup

Character plate, spoon, fork,

Play-doh

Bubbles

Fingerpaint

Bath paints

Sensory blocks

Little People

Color Wonder markers and paper

Board books

Hair clips

Scarf

Hat

Mittens

Socks

Travel Magna Doodle

Bath toys

Chunky cars

Whiffle Balls

Night Light

Maracas

Tamborine

Shakers

Fruit cups

Juice box

Chunky Crayons/Markers

Art Smock

Cookie Cutters

Small stuffed animal/puppet

CD

Movie

Toothbrush/paste

Bubble bath

Bodywash, shampoo

Trainer Chopsticks

Straws

Toothbrush holder

Bathtub crayons

Character band-aids

Beach Ball

Preschooler (3-5 years):

Seedling kit

Dress up accessories

Art kits

Art smock

Glowsticks

Book

CD

Movie

Play-doh, cookie cutters

Glitter glue

Pipe cleaners

Safety scissors

Travel Size Magna Doodle/Etch-a-Sketch

Bubble bath

Travel size shampoo, body wash, lotion

Music instruments (Kazoo, shakers, etc)

Small cars and trucks

Character band-aids

Character silverwear and plates

Bouncy balls

Bubbles

Sidewalk chalk

Temporary Tattoo

Water gun

Sunglasses

Pool toys

Hair clips

Scarf, hat, mittens

Socks

Bath paints, crayons

Bath toys

Thomas the Train toys

Lego toys

Trainer chopsticks

Toothbrush holder

Kazoo, Harmonica, Shakers

Whistle

Washclothes

Homemade cookies

Fruit Cup

Juice Box

Fresh fruit

Small box of sugar cereal

Stickers

Slinky

Finger puppet

Kaleidoscope

Mini Flashlight

Jumprope

School Age (6-12 years):

Dominoes

Card Games

Toothbrush/paste

Toothbrush holder

Trainer chopsticks

Chapstick

Paints

Colored Pencils

Markers

Sketch Pad

Books

CD

Movies

Fresh fruit

Small box of sugar cereal

Homemade cookies

Glow in the dark toys

Compass

Astronaut Ice cream

Silly straws

Glo-sticks

Stickers

Binoculars

Magic Set

Legwarmers

Travel games

Chinese paper y-yo

Small instruments

Journal

Bookmark

Mini Flashlight

Water gun

Pool toys

Puzzles

Jumprope

Model kits

Color Wonder markers/paper

Educational Wrap-ups

Stamps

Origami paper

Crayons

Coloring Book

Calculator

Pins/buttons

Craft kits

Knitting needle/yarn

Yo-yo

Silly String

Disposable camera

Slinky

Headphones

Straws

Nail polish

Body wash, shampoo, bubble bath

Necklace, bracelet

Clay

Glue sticks

Animal Sponge Capsules

Small stuffed animal

Barbie clothes

Hex bugs

Beyblades

Character socks

Hat

Friendship Bracelet kit

Book light

Slap bracelets

Glow in the dark stars and planets

Rubix cube

Powdered drink mix

Temporary tattoos
Goggles
Juggling Balls

Early Teens (13-16 years):
Diary
Nice Pens
Origami paper/book
Mind puzzles
Rubix cube
Mini nail polish
Hair accessories
Gift Certificates (McDonald's, iTunes, Amazon, Starbucks, gas station)
Water gun
Model kits
Toiletry samples
Stamps
Stationary
Craft kits
Yarn and needles
Calculator
Notebook
Socks
Jewelry
Books
CD
Movie
Bookmark
Hand sanitizer
Body spray
Toothpaste, brush
Coin purse
Card games
Ear phones
Wallet
Pocket knife
Flashlight
Body Glitter
Makeup
USB flashdrive
Cooking Utensils
Chapstick
Movie Tickets
Legwarmers
Booklight
Magic Set
Thin Bible
Beef jerky
Homemade cookies
Fresh Fruit
Powdered drink mix
Camera
Travel games
Compass
Golf balls
Tennis balls
Colored pencils, sketch book
Gloves
Hat
Scarf
Manicure set
Planner
Guitar Picks
Cell phone cover
Gift Certificate for ice skating, rollerskating, bowling
Key chain
Lanyard for keys

Men:
Car Wash supplies
Gift Certificate for favorite lunch spot
Gift Certificate for Starbucks, iTunes,
Beef Jerky
Fresh Fruit
Compass
Binoculars
Tire Gauge
Tennis balls
Golf balls
Darts
Planner
Sketch book, journal
Nice Pens
Stopwatch
Socks
Hat
Driving Gloves
Homemade treats
Luggage Tags
Book
CD
Movie
Guide book
Antenna ball
Scratch off tickets
Car accessories
Tie
Tie tack
Grooming tools
Pocket knife
Bottle opener
Key chain
Gift cards
Event tickets
Hiking gear
Fishing gear
Specialty coffee
Travel mug
Ear phones
Specialty candy
Hand sanitizer
Wallet
Toothbrush, paste, dental floss
Chapstick
USB Flash Drive
Golf tees
Guitar pick
Flashlight
Tape Measure
Picture hanging kit
Nails and Screws
Card games

Crossword book
Sudoko book
Word search book

Women:
Scrapbook supplies
Cooking utensils
Journal
Pens
Colored pencils
Office supplies
Planner
Gift Certificates for iTunes, coffee shop
Book
CD
Movies
Hand Sanitizer
Body lotion
Manicure Set
Cookie cutter
Homemade goodies
Antenna ball
Car Decal
Planner
Scratch off tickets
Word puzzle books
Sudoko book
Book light
Body spray
Hair accessories
Travel mug
Tea cup
Specialty teas, coffees
Specialty candies
Candles
Ear phones
Tea diffuser
Craft kits
Bookmark
Hat
Earmuff, scarf
Driving Gloves
Thin Bible
Shopping Tote
Business card case
USB Flash Drive
Grocery list card
Recipe cards
Compact
Mini mirror
Flashlight
Lip gloss
Coin purse
Flower seeds
Phone case
Pocket warmers
Toothbrush, paste, dental floss
Camera Memory Card
Gift card for manicure/pedicure
Keychain
Yarn and needles
Nail polish
Specialty soaps
Mascara
Icing Bags and tips
Note cards
Slipper socks
Pretty cupcake liners

Lee's To Do List

15 Christmas Gift Ideas

Poinsettia Embellished T-Shirt

Reindeer Cookies

DIY Bath Finger Paints

Ribbon Necklace Set

This Week:

What I'm reading: I just finished Christmas in Apple Ridge.  Magnificent!

What I'm doing: Listening to the sound of the rain and baby babbles from the crib.

What I've been making: I finished up the crowns and pinata for Lydia's birthday party.  Moving right along with party plans.

What I'm watching: Lots and lots of family Christmas movies.  Has anyone seen the Christmas Angel?

What I'm enjoying: Turning on just the Christmas tree lights in the morning as we all get up.  It just gets such a nice soft glow when we're all still drowsy.