This Family: Says Please and Thank You

In any given day, you might walk through my house and hear the following comments:

"Mom, I need something to eat."
"Mom, I need to get some posterboard for a book report."
"Mom, I REALLY like milk."

Conversely, you might also walk through my house and hearing any of these comments:
"Mom, can I please have a sandwich?"
"Please, mom, can you take me to the store?"
"Thank you for the milk, mom."

I'd much rather live in the days where that second category is the norm.  Please and Thank You are the first basic manners that we start with in our house.  They're a simple way of showing respect and consideration for other's feelings in every day life.  For the person that uses these words, it takes minimal effort.  But for the person that receives them, it makes a world of difference.

Think about it.  As adults, who would you rather work with, the individual that respects your time and needs?  Or the individual who demands their needs to be met without regard to yours?

And if that's the adults that we want to see in the world, why not start with our kids when they're young?

Now we're not perfect.  We still demand our own way and have days of focusing on our needs rather than others.  But this is the goal and, hopefully, each day we're making more progress.

Mom and Dad have to watch out for this too.  It's so easy to just start handing out orders, even if it's in our "nice"tone.  How many times near bedtime have I started out with:

"Get your PJ's on."
"Don't forget to brush your teeth."
"Pick up your room and get your bed ready."

How much smoother it makes my relationship with my kids when I start using my Pleases and Thank You's:

"Could you get your PJ's on please?"
"Don't forget to brush your teeth please."
"Thank you for picking up your room and taking care of your things."

So while it may be "cute" when the two year old starts using a little sass to get her way, take a moment to think about your end goal.  Is it to raise kids who look out for themselves at all costs?  Or to raise kids who value others and their relationships?  If it the second, Please and Thank You is an easy place to start.

What are some of your family values?

This Family: Uses Kind Words

This Family: Says Please and Thank You

Every mother loves to hear the words “Please” and “Thank You.”  In the day after day of selflessly serving our children, it’s a small gesture of respect and appreciation for all we do.  But these simple word go much deeper into a heart issue.

Saying “Please” and “Thank You” are the beginning levels of remembering that we are all God-created human beings.  As the Bible says, it’s God who created us (Gen 1:27) and as such we deserve to be loved and treasured.  One way we can show this kind of deep love and respect is by using polite words in our interactions with others.

Children are born with a sense that the world is theirs.  And as sinful creatures, it’s an entitlement that was can carry into adulthood if we’re not careful.  Saying “Please” and “Thank You” is one small way of moving them into recognizing others and their needs.

This extends to Mommy as well.  Through the years I’ve been convicted of my own lack in this area.  So often I can get into my Type A mode of getting things done and forget to say “Please” and “Thank You” for the little things.  While sometimes child simply need to obey their parents, there are times when I realize my lack of niceties is my own since of entitlement that needs to be pruned.

“Please” and “Thank You “ is slowly working it’s way into our family culture and more importantly into all of our hearts.

Family Values: Pray Constantly

In thinking about the values we pass on to our children, the one that rose right to the top was prayer.  Obvious... but let me ask you this.  How much weight do we really give to our prayers in day to day life?  I'll be the first to admit that what I say sadly doesn't always line up with what I do.  And prayer is one of those areas in life that falls by the wayside.  As moms, we have houses to clean, meals to prepare, kids to chase, diapers to change, appointments to keep.  The needs of the moment press in on us.  Dinner's burning on the stove.  Noah stole Lydia's toy again.  The baby's spit up.

And I have two choices. One is to scream until I turn purple.  The second is to pray.  Some days I win that battle and other days my husband finds me repenting for loosing my temper.  In either case, prayer is so much simpler.

And more effective.

You see, I can't do it all on my own.  Ten years ago, as a newlywed and without kids, I couldn't do it all.  Oh, I could mask it well.  I only had myself and my husband to worry about.  Dinner's were made around our work schedules and without interruptions.  Days were planned out at my leisure.  Sure there were bills and work to account for, but life was relatively simple and I could put on a good face of having it all together.

But over the years, the Lord has taken me into the fire of motherhood which is beyond any thing I've ever experienced.  It's a joy and a refining all at the same time.  As I write this, my youngest is battling with how to nap.  He wants to be swaddled, but still have his hands free, and yet can't figure out why he keeps knocking the paci out of his mouth.  While I revel in his little coos and presence in our home, I battle my own selfish desires of writing and preparing our home while Lydia is at preschool.

Our lives are full and we can't finish all we have on our plates.  Days rush by us in a flurry.  Tasks mount and relationships beckon.  And we wonder how it will all turn out.  Are we shepherding our children well?  Are our marriages be nourished?  Will the bills get paid?  Will our health hold on?  Are our families ok?

And because we can't do it on our own, we, hopefully, find ourselves on our knees pleading for strength from moment to moment.  When we find ourselves in a position beyond ourselves, as parenthood will often bring us to, that's where the Lord's power is able to move in.  But we can't tap into it until we pray. I can't be the wife, mother, daughter, friend I'm called to be until I learn to move prayer into the position of priority.  Prayer allows me to unburden my thoughts, worries, and anxieties and operate from the Lord's wisdom rather than my own.  Until I take the time to communicate with my Heavenly Father, I'm no better than those who know nothing of Jesus.  Because without prayer, I too am walking outside of a relationship with the Lord.

If you are desiring to enter a fuller life of prayer, here are just a few ways to begin:

*Take 5 minutes each morning.  Sit up in bed and pray for your day ahead.  Thank the Lord for the people he's placing in your path today, including your family.  Pray for strength to respond in love whatever the day brings.

*Begin the habit of praying at meals times.  Begin with the meal that the family most often enjoys together.  No one is to touch their food until the Lord has been thanked.  Use this as a time to model prayer for your children.

*Pray with your child at bedtime.  Model for them how to think through prayer.  Thanking God for their day, their life, their opportunities, and their family is a great place to start.  Then allow your children time and freedom to mention somethings or people they would like to pray for as well.  You may be surprised by what they come up with.

*Post Scriptures reminding you to pray in prominent places in your home.  For me, I always find myself in the kitchen.  I have several 3x5 cards posted with Scriptures that remind me of the power of prayer.

*Build in times of day where the children will catch you praying.  Maybe at the chaos of making dinner before Daddy arrives home.  Maybe in the rush of getting out the door in the mornings.  Allow them to see that you rely on the Lord as much as you talk about relying on the Lord.

Begin making prayer a priority in your life.  Even if the steps are small at first, the rewards will become evident in your family life.

How do you build prayer into your day to day activities?

Family Values: Our Family

I was praying recently about the values we pass on to our children.  Every day, our children watch us, study us, waiting to see how the world works.  We are their role models for life.  As families, we create our own unit, ... community, ... culture.  That's not to say that we shouldn't be in the greater community of the church, but take a look at the language you family uses.  Are there certain phrases or words that are unique to your family unit?  What about traditions?  How does your family interact with the greater world?  What types of values are you directly, or indirectly, teaching inside the four walls of your home?

Think about how it was when you were first married or even back as far as dating your future spouse.  I suspect there were phrases, ways of relating, characteristics that required some explanation on both sides.  The way you were raised was probably not exactly the way your partner was raised.  So when you did something that seemed perfectly normal to you, your spouse may have found it hurtful or offensive.  As you began to communicate and understand each other, habits changed and you created your own family culture.  A culture that continues to evolve and be passed down to your own children.

As a stay at home mom, I know I have a huge impact on my kids and how they see the world.  So much of what I say and do is being absorbed into small heads and small hearts.  That's why it's important that I weigh my words against what I truly believe.  And that's why teaching values is as much about my own heart as it is about theirs.

Over the next year, I'll be embarking upon a journey of discovery into how we identify and teach these values to our children.  I'll share with you the values the Lord has laid on my heart and how we're implementing them in our own home.  I'm also excited to see what you have to say about how values work out in your family.  I have a few ideas already laid out, but I'm continuing to pray that the Lord will shape our family values as He shapes yours as well.

What are some of the unique characteristics of your family?

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